Well let's see here..

It's funny to think how badly I wanted to start this....
I have always been one of those people that never really finishes what they start...
I started a major two years back and I never finished... Just changed it because I decided I wanted an easier way out... Once again I'm back to the same old predicament I was when I changed into this major.

I'm a firm believer in that life should come with a manual...

It's been three months since my mother died and I still don't know how to take it. I feel completely and utterly out of control at times and it frustrates the hell out of me. It's strange how at times it feels like you are the only one in the whole world who is having shit hit the fan day in and day out. Sometimes i just want to scream at how crazy and unpredictable life is... How unfair and cruel it can be. And other times i rejoice in how beautiful and mysterious it all is. Trying to see the beauty in the "plan".

Yep I never finish what I start because most likely by the end of this post that last thought will still not be completed. O well.

My lifes manual would probably start something like this...

1. Don't hold back ever, let everything you feel or think out there right on the table for all to see.
2. You are going to die someday despite any thought you may have that makes you feel somewhat invincible... Keep that in mind with everything you do.
3. The people around you are going to die, you're going to loose the ones you love whether you like it or not... Once you realize that it will make loving much harder. But don't let it stop you.
4. Youre going to feel like you have absolutely no purpose in life and that's ok, take your time figuring out what you want to do... You'll find a purpose in the end.

5. Snow white, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Belle, hell even Pocahontas... Were all the exception, in real life there is no man that can wake you out of a poison apple induced coma, sweep you away from your evil family members on a white horse, stab a fire breathing dragon in the heart to save you from some bitch, or go from absolutely hidious to drop dead gorgeous with the help of a rose and a little curse. In real life you have to sort through the losers to find someone even a miniscule close to being half way decent... And even then you might have to keep looking.

6. Always remember you are not a pesomist you are a realist, life is what you make it.

There most likely would be more but I'd say that's a pretty good start for right now...

See my life... It didn't come with a manual... Hell it didnt even come with those partially English but mostly Chinese instructions. Instead it came with a whole lot a anger, a little bit of rage, a good mix of happy and a overwhelming crap ton of sad.

I guess everyones does though huh?