Mom is another word for love

Its funny. Looking at my family from an outsiders perspective.

"Crazy, Insensitive, Mean"... Just three of the words some people have used to describe my family. Although these are and can be true most of the time... there's a lot more to them than you know.

"Crazy, Funny, Wonderful"... My top three words I would and will use till the day I die to describe them.

Here are the facts. We are blunt, crazy individuals, we wont hold back. Don't expect us to because your expectations will fail every time. My family has had a hand in making me who I am today. They have imbedded characteristics and traits into me that will be with me for the rest of my life. Some good, some bad. All & I, I will love my family and stick up for them till the day I die.

I miss my mother. My family does as well.

My Uncle is up for the week and it makes me miss her more.

Any time really that Im around my family for more than a hot second I miss her. Knowing she'd want to be there, watching the kids swim, laughing at my uncles jokes, chatting and fighting with my aunts, getting annoyed at the arguing my grandparents do.

Before when we hardly spoke there was a gap that was easy to ignore. Now, her being gone the gap has widened it feels like and at times I don't know what to do about it. I can no longer ignore it. She's missing. You take family photos and she's missing. Dinner tables, she's missing, kid counts she's missing.

My grandmother will do this thing where she goes through the names of all of her daughters pretty much before she gets to the right one... Patty, Sandy, Michelle, Rena... She's done it twice in front of me since my moms death and each time she pauses at the mention of my mothers name... Im sure not knowing whether to cry or keep going through the list. I do the same thing in my head... Sometimes I want to mention her cause something someone says reminds me of her but then I pause not knowing if its still to morbid to bring her up.

Morbid... a word I naturally slipped in there... thats how it feels even though it shouldn't... it is.

You can call my family whatever you want. We know what and who we are. I can safely assume that most of us are ok with it. What were not ok with and what you might be sensing is a missing member from our family. That we love dearly and miss greatly.

I love you mom.