I hate blogging but love it at the same time.

Oh boy, I have come to the realization that I am a horrible blogger.

These things take time, more than I allot myself I guess.

Between work, school, and slacking off, my emotional dependency in this site to creatively vomit the excess emotions from life's stresses onto this page has become increasingly prevalent. Yet, I somehow manage to avoid doing so, and instead, bottle everything inside. Later on... exploding like a twice dropped, and too quickly opened coca cola can...

-fizzy, sticky, messy-

sputtering liquid, erupting out of from me, in hatefully spat words towards the closest, unknowing victim.

The truth is, I'm not sure what to write about.

Do I turn this into a bitch-fest spot, where I complain nonstop about the ex boyfriend that is selfish, rude and a stereotypical immature child? The professor that is such a hard ass I'm drowning? The best friend I feel like I'm loosing? The family I run from? The sister I run to?

What is this for???


A unread page, that could be filled with anything at all and yet, I have no idea what to fill it with except for the previous excerpts. Somehow, I think rambles is what I need, a place to, like I stated previously, creatively vomit out all of my built up thoughts, words, sentences that were unable to be said in the previous days.

I will completely and unequivocally acknowledge that if by doing so, these links, pages or whatever they're called will be filled with incessant crap, nothing but the jumbled thoughts of a 24-year-old full time college student, full time human services employee, and somehow a sister, daughter, friend and so forth.

However, admittedly, I believe that, this is what I need. Some kind of published journal online, for family, friends and complete strangers to read and criticize my whining nature, my idiotic complaints, and foolish sweet nothings.

A little bit more Erica

Let me just start this post off by saying that no, I am not some wandering soul without a path, feeling lost and confused with no one to turn to. Yes, I do have moments of doubt, and sadness like a normal human being... but, like I have said in previous posts I am a realist. I don't ever plan on painting you pretty pictures of rainbows and flowers. Or being any less cynical than I have been.

So if that is what you are looking for feel free to go ahead right now and press the button that says next blog. 

This is the one place that I feel more than comfortable to not pretend like I am constantly wearing rose colored glasses and that everything is "HUNKY-DORY". 

There are some things in life that really aren't worth stressing over, yet we all seem to manage to stress about them on a day to day basis.

-Sour milk
-No coupons
-A scuff in your favorite pair of sneakers
-Spilt coffee...
and the list goes on...

I like to come  across  as a person that really doesn't give two shits about what anyone thinks of me but the truth of the matter is that I do... WAY TO MUCH. Yea sure sometimes, I really don't give a crap but most of the time I do. 

The fact of the matter is that I should be comfortable with who I am, WE ALL SHOULD. But for some reason we get caught up on the little things. Caring about the way we look, dress, act... I think its funny I mean if you wanna wear bright orange neon tights, purple leggings and an over sized tunic to work every day for the next 6 weeks who am I to judge you? But for some reason we do... I can fully admit to the fact that if you walked into my work wearing that outfit I would most likely laugh you right out of the building. BUT WHY?

That is the question into which I currently see NO answer.

It is said that "bullies" make fun of other people because they are trying to take the attention off of their own insecurities. But as much as I hate to disagree with who ever came up with that "theory"... I have to. I know that I am secure in my own self enough that I don't have the need to make fun of you for that.... I make fun of you for that because well... COME ON NOW. You look RIDICULOUS.

Does that make me mean? Insensitive? Judgmental? Probably.

But I guess in a way I'm ok with it because, you see the facts are these; at the end of the day when all is said and done, no matter what religion you believe in, what job you work at, whatever it is that you do there is only ONE person you have to look in the mirror at and face. Yourself. If you are ok with what you do then awesome, if you can live with your actions than great. If you live your day to day life with no regrets what so ever than well, you my friend, ROCK. 

I myself have many regrets. And one way or another I myself and no one else am going to have to deal with those.

See thats the funny thing about life. No matter how hard you try to work past those little hiccups they always seem to rear their ugly heads.

So will I one day feel bad for *in my mind* making fun of the neon sock wearing bandit? PROBABLY.

But that is just what I will have to deal with now won't I?