I hate blogging but love it at the same time.

Oh boy, I have come to the realization that I am a horrible blogger.

These things take time, more than I allot myself I guess.

Between work, school, and slacking off, my emotional dependency in this site to creatively vomit the excess emotions from life's stresses onto this page has become increasingly prevalent. Yet, I somehow manage to avoid doing so, and instead, bottle everything inside. Later on... exploding like a twice dropped, and too quickly opened coca cola can...

-fizzy, sticky, messy-

sputtering liquid, erupting out of from me, in hatefully spat words towards the closest, unknowing victim.

The truth is, I'm not sure what to write about.

Do I turn this into a bitch-fest spot, where I complain nonstop about the ex boyfriend that is selfish, rude and a stereotypical immature child? The professor that is such a hard ass I'm drowning? The best friend I feel like I'm loosing? The family I run from? The sister I run to?

What is this for???


A unread page, that could be filled with anything at all and yet, I have no idea what to fill it with except for the previous excerpts. Somehow, I think rambles is what I need, a place to, like I stated previously, creatively vomit out all of my built up thoughts, words, sentences that were unable to be said in the previous days.

I will completely and unequivocally acknowledge that if by doing so, these links, pages or whatever they're called will be filled with incessant crap, nothing but the jumbled thoughts of a 24-year-old full time college student, full time human services employee, and somehow a sister, daughter, friend and so forth.

However, admittedly, I believe that, this is what I need. Some kind of published journal online, for family, friends and complete strangers to read and criticize my whining nature, my idiotic complaints, and foolish sweet nothings.

The Truth Is

The things we take for granted in life are ridiculous. The smell of a beautiful flower, taste of a slice of pizza, the feeling of the sunlight on your skin, the feel of the wet dew in the grass early in the morning, the sound of a cricket. We get ourselves into this pattern of living that is just day in-day out... never truly appreciating what is right in front of us.

Never looking beyond our day to day drama, letting the smallest things completely upset us and dampen our spirits. An angry customer, a bottle of soda that ruins your favorite purse, a forgotten bill, a run-in with an ex. It's hilarious if you think about it... how the most trivial  things can completely  turn our little existences topsy-turvy.

See the truth is, this is how I live my day to day life... yea, yea, i know "those who cast the first stone... glass houses..." But see there probably is no hope for me to not only fully understand this, but to also try and change it...

"I'm one of those people.. You know the kind... the ones who hope for change, pray for it, beg for it and then when it finally arrives scamper away like a dog with its tail between its hind legs."

I like to call myself a realist but... the truth is, thats just a fancy, less dreary way of saying pessimist. The truth is I have no clue how to move forward... I don't really know when I lost that ability. See my friends all think I'm this strong person... but really I'm not I don't like being strong... I'm not sure why that is either...

Maybe I've just given up on the idea.. 

Maybe I've had to be strong for so long I just don't want to anymore. 

Maybe Im just sick of it.

The truth is in the end you only have yourself to rely on, 

yourself to make you happy, 

yourself to keep yourself positive 

(if that makes sense)...

The truth is in the end the only person you can count on, depend on is you.

So don't let you  hold you back.

Realize the beauty that is life.

Drink it up and never, never let yourself take it for granted.

Not As Easy As I Thought

Its funny starting this blogging page I thought would be easy...

No problem right?....

Just type. type. type. and away she goes? Not so much apparently...

All these thoughts that were once running through my head, stopped suddenly once I decided to start typing. The thing is I have no clue what to write about. I had a ton of ideas this morning but now... they're gone.

I guess to get started I'll tell you about myself.

I am 20 years old, living in a 2 bedroom upstairs apartment with my boyfriend who's name shall be left out... and instead we'll just call him Hootie. Anyways, he's my best friend, he really gets me. And I don't mean it in the way that can be easily rebuffed with, "well of course he gets you he's your boyfriend"... I mean he truly gets me.

But back to me.

I don't like cold weather at all, I use to when I was a kid, but now a days it kills me.

I'm awkward at all door entrances and exits... I don't know why... I just am.

I am a procrastinator and i mean it... There isn't one thing in my life that I haven't procrastinated getting done... With pretty much every thing i do i procrastinate. And its not just a small amount of procrastination its the...

"You had 3 months notice that it was due today yet now an hour before you
work on it till there is no time left to do it... I am the 15 minutes before you
have to leave, yet you'll call it 20 cause being 5 minutes late is still
fashionable, we all know I'll just blame it on traffic or the printer breaking, kind of procrastinate."

And its pathetic.

I mean honestly how horrible is that. Yet I will continue to do it even after writing all about how horrible I think it is on here... pathetic.

I love to cook, I am not the best cook but I am not too shabby that's for sure.
I can make really yummy roasted potatoes and onions

I personally think I am funny... but Hootie thinks I'm the only one hahahaha

Well there's a lot more about me but nothing I feel like going into... currently that is.

More later...