I hate blogging but love it at the same time.

Oh boy, I have come to the realization that I am a horrible blogger.

These things take time, more than I allot myself I guess.

Between work, school, and slacking off, my emotional dependency in this site to creatively vomit the excess emotions from life's stresses onto this page has become increasingly prevalent. Yet, I somehow manage to avoid doing so, and instead, bottle everything inside. Later on... exploding like a twice dropped, and too quickly opened coca cola can...

-fizzy, sticky, messy-

sputtering liquid, erupting out of from me, in hatefully spat words towards the closest, unknowing victim.

The truth is, I'm not sure what to write about.

Do I turn this into a bitch-fest spot, where I complain nonstop about the ex boyfriend that is selfish, rude and a stereotypical immature child? The professor that is such a hard ass I'm drowning? The best friend I feel like I'm loosing? The family I run from? The sister I run to?

What is this for???


A unread page, that could be filled with anything at all and yet, I have no idea what to fill it with except for the previous excerpts. Somehow, I think rambles is what I need, a place to, like I stated previously, creatively vomit out all of my built up thoughts, words, sentences that were unable to be said in the previous days.

I will completely and unequivocally acknowledge that if by doing so, these links, pages or whatever they're called will be filled with incessant crap, nothing but the jumbled thoughts of a 24-year-old full time college student, full time human services employee, and somehow a sister, daughter, friend and so forth.

However, admittedly, I believe that, this is what I need. Some kind of published journal online, for family, friends and complete strangers to read and criticize my whining nature, my idiotic complaints, and foolish sweet nothings.

Hope It Gives You Hell

I know most of you have all been there at some point in your life,

you've loved and been burned...

Run into an old friend from high school that you really didn't wanna see...

Maybe you were cheated on... 

Or maybe you were just cheated...

I think you get the idea...  

either way someone's got a word for those situations.....

or a way to describe it....  

JADED 

that was what one of my very first boyfriends liked to call it... jaded.. 

how lame is that??? 

Honestly...

 please just feel free to put some dark make-up on, 

black clothes and walk around with a really  sad face on...

 ugh.. 

ANYWAYS

For me the song that is linked up to the word 'jaded' above is the best way to describe all of those shitty experiences...

There is something about it that really just sums up the way I've been feeling for a lot of people from my past lately. 

Truth be told I miss you, 

and truth be told I'm LYING.... 

setting the relationship portion of it aside... and just going into the "running into an old friend from high school" portion of it... 

I hate it.. I really, really, REALLY DO. 

See for me the thing I hate the most is the fakeness of it all...

Not every woman is like this but I know a lot of us are... If you're one of the people that aren't I'm just gonna run through the typical scenario really quickly for you... 

Despite our GREAT attempt to completely avoid the person. We fail. So we are then left with two options... 

1.) Be fake-ly sweet like you know they are going to orrrr...

2.) Be honest. 

9 out of 10 times we're fake. 

Why do I call it fake???

Cause truth be told- I really don't give a damn how your doing, and I MOST CERTAINLY do not want to hear about your dog named Spot, your engagement or the fact that you are doing splendid while I am doing awful... 

CRAZY I KNOW. 

But for some reason we stand there... put on the fake smile, grinning and bearing it all the way... 

All the while deep inside our heads you know the other person is thinking the same thing as you... 

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK... GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

So then comes the REALLY  awkward part..

Which is where you both while pretending to care about each others bull shit start slowly walking backwards in the opposite directions of each other.. 

*hoping that the other person will not notice what your doing..*

.... and then if you're as crafty as I am 

(you'll already have your cell phone in your hand)

you'll find a way to make it ring... Apologize as you "answer" it quickly and then proceed to have a 0.2 second fake conversation on the phone... 

*durning which you will have been informed that you really need to go because you're "friend" is waiting* 

....and so you say your awkward goodbyes, not knowing whether or not to give each other a hug or the high five and then you take off as fast as you can; hoping and praying that doesn't happen again for a while. 

See for me at least it has come to the point in life where all I want to do just stop the madness and speak the truth...

But for now I guess I'll just hope it gives you hell