I hate blogging but love it at the same time.

Oh boy, I have come to the realization that I am a horrible blogger.

These things take time, more than I allot myself I guess.

Between work, school, and slacking off, my emotional dependency in this site to creatively vomit the excess emotions from life's stresses onto this page has become increasingly prevalent. Yet, I somehow manage to avoid doing so, and instead, bottle everything inside. Later on... exploding like a twice dropped, and too quickly opened coca cola can...

-fizzy, sticky, messy-

sputtering liquid, erupting out of from me, in hatefully spat words towards the closest, unknowing victim.

The truth is, I'm not sure what to write about.

Do I turn this into a bitch-fest spot, where I complain nonstop about the ex boyfriend that is selfish, rude and a stereotypical immature child? The professor that is such a hard ass I'm drowning? The best friend I feel like I'm loosing? The family I run from? The sister I run to?

What is this for???


A unread page, that could be filled with anything at all and yet, I have no idea what to fill it with except for the previous excerpts. Somehow, I think rambles is what I need, a place to, like I stated previously, creatively vomit out all of my built up thoughts, words, sentences that were unable to be said in the previous days.

I will completely and unequivocally acknowledge that if by doing so, these links, pages or whatever they're called will be filled with incessant crap, nothing but the jumbled thoughts of a 24-year-old full time college student, full time human services employee, and somehow a sister, daughter, friend and so forth.

However, admittedly, I believe that, this is what I need. Some kind of published journal online, for family, friends and complete strangers to read and criticize my whining nature, my idiotic complaints, and foolish sweet nothings.

You are Treading On Thin Ice Ms. Berube- Family Advised to Read.

Its funny.

Almost 22 years and I am still worried about what my family thinks of me.

Unconditional love is an interesting thing. 

Yes, you may love me "no matter what I do"... You just might not like me when all is said and done.

"I can be a bit narcissistic, judgmental and rude... BUT the truth is, I'm pretty much the shit, people can be pretty idiotic and so because of that I do call it like I see it... So call me what you might and feel free to hate me and talk about me... The fact of the matter is I know who I am & what I'm about.. so in all honesty what makes you think I care the slightest about your opinion of me?" -My most recent facebook status update

 This is me. As you can see, I don't always manage to keep in mind how people might perceive me, what my family and friends might think of some of the things I say. I like to tell it how it is. Life is too short to hold back, life isn't always pretty, its not always rainbows and butterflies, lifes got good and bad and everything in between. So why in all honesty should I not call it like I see it? Why is that so awful?

Respect. No back talk. No sarcasm. These are just three of the basic principles that I was raised upon. Life was full of hiding little secrets about yourself that wouldn't be perceived as acceptable or "good girl behavior". Dodging harsh glances and judgmental eyes... protecting family members from their own fears of who you are or who you have become.

Here are the facts. For you, my family members that don't all already know the truth. My name Erica Rose Marie Berube. Age 21 going on 22 in a few weeks. Swear? Like a sailor. Smoke? Yes. Drink? Yes. Tattooed? One. Church? Rarely.

So there it is... all the bad things about me laid right out on the table for you to rip apart and hate.

Now here are the rest.

I hate that I smoke but I do it for many reasons... most that you probably wouldn't be able to understand.
I rarely drink, but when I do its not in excess.
I have a tattoo that was something I rushed into because I was told I couldn't have one... that they were awful.
I don't go to church... but I have a bible on my bedside and I pray when I need it the most, when I am at my lowest moments and when I am grateful for all of the wonderful things in my life including you; my family.
These are some of the reasons of why I am going places, why I am somewhat "ok" after moms death, why I am strong and stand strong when I want to be weak.

Definition of Unconditional Love:

"Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of the loved one's qualities or actions."-dictionary.com

Yes there maybe certain parts of me that you hate. That you look away from and don't want to call as your own. But here is what I know.

I have the Berube nose. When I'm angry I look like my mother, when I'm laughing I look like my father, there are certain things I do that remind me of my grandmother and there are things that I say that remind me of my grandfather.

I don't cheat, steal, gamble, sell myself, do drugs, kill people, I don't nor have I ever done any of those things... Nor do I plan on doing them.

I am a kind, honest, friendly, charitable person. I try my best and if I fail I try harder.

Perfection isn't achievable but I WILL DO MY DAMNEDEST to make you think I am close to it.
Rome wasn't built in a day... I'm not even close to being done growing.

So there you have it the quick summary of who I am. I am human. I have flaws... and so do you.

Unconditional love. Interesting thing isn't it?