The Disney fairy tales are so beautiful...
Filled with morals, beautiful women, handsome men, a silly story, a triumph, a problem that is quickly overcome either from the help of a -somewhat plump- cheerful fairy godmother, or a cheesy and yet also incredible cheerful crab, tea-cup, raccoon... you get the idea, and I'm positive you probably know the story.
But here's the thing... what's your story?
Whats my story?
I feel crippled because as a woman I have these UNREALISTIC expectations of what my love life is supposed to be like... RESCUE ME! But don't, no, seriously... DON'T! Cause the moment you do I swear I'll run--- straight into the arms of the next "prince charming". No, I'm not implying that I am a sl*t, yet I always manage to pick the ABSOLUTELY worst men to "FALL" in love with. And, when something doesn't feel right...I run(fall)-straight into the arms of another man.
Falling, ha- that's more accurate... FALLING on my face.
Stories, yes, that's where I was going with this. WHAT'S MY STORY?
Who knows, I seem to have fallen into the classic misfit toy scenario and have continued to keep playing that field. Finding men that have problems, and then, being pissed when I cannot fix them.
I mean, I have already come to the conclusion that because I am a female- I'm a little bit crazy.
But to add to that,
-I am a Berube-
and because you are a complete stranger reading this, being a Berube means that I am- straight.up.bat.shit.CRAZY.
Admitting it is the first step right?
I'm not sure how many times I have used this blog spot as a whining area for my failing relationships in between my rose colored glasses praise.
But back to my recovery. So, first step done. Does that mean that its me that is the cause of the problems in my relationships?
Lets see,
Boyfriend #1: Drug Addict, hid it for 3 years, found out and there was the end of that.
Boyfriend #2: Emotionally Unavailable, got super stressed out over work and took it out on me, ending there.
Boyfriend #3: Words are unable to be formed about this man, baby is the only one I can come up with.
These, are just my major relationships. I pride myself on not "sleeping" my way through life, but there have been other men, they just don't play as large of a role in my life as these have.
Yes, I had my play in some of the problems in these relationships, yet, I don't really understand.
I choose douche bags, and then fall in love with them!
I pretend that they're my prince, that they're it the all and the everything, and then I snap out of it and realize they're not. How do you stop that noise?!?!!
How do you dismiss the fairy tale stories that have been jammed into your brain and create your own story? Living completely independent, yet feeling completely dependent on this idea of having love being wholeness, it, necessary, nirvana, heaven- isn't the way I want to live my life, I don't want to cling to the little bits of love that I have experienced in my life.
Somehow, I have to figure out, my story.
